Thursday 16 August 2007

Why Are You Not a Prostitute?

Did you grow up in a loving family and in a safe neighborhood? Do you have a good education and a good job? Have you avoided traps like drugs and alcohol? Do you hold high morals concerning your body and sexuality that you could never engage in something as low as prostitution?

Many of you, may have answered 'no' to these questions. You had tough childhood, you don't have a good education, and you were/are using drugs and alcohol, then why are you not a prostitute? Really ask yourself, "Why am I not a prostitute? What makes me different? What factors in my life have kept me from leading a life of prostitution?"

We have both thought about this question a lot since our internship. Why can one child grow up in an abusive household, be sexually abused as a child, get involved with drugs, and end up as a prostitute, while another child with the same issues doesn't? Or conversely, another child can grow up with a completely happy childhood, still get involved with drugs, and still end up as a prostitute.

It's really easy to detach ourselves from the issue of prostitution, as though it is simply a problem that affects them and not us. But the reality is, none of us are immune from going down this same path. So really, why aren't you a prostitute?

The more we thought about this we realized how complex it all is. But we did come up with a couple of answers: First, is the concept of Grace. Grace is being given something that we don't deserve and didn't earn. It was through God's grace that we could have great parents, a good education, and job skills to fall back on. It was also God's grace that prevented us from getting sucked into drugs and alcohol. Most importantly, it was God's grace that opened our eyes to Jesus. It's God's grace that keeps our eyes on Jesus. This doesn't leave much room for boasting in our own strengths, efforts, or wise decisions.

Second, is that everybody has a part of them that has been corrupted, which the Bible calls 'Sin.' This corruption shows itself in different ways with different people. For us, our sin will be different than to that of a prostitute but that doesn't mean that we are better or worse than them, only that it is displayed in a different way.

So why are the men we worked with in Houston involved in prostitution instead of working in an office job, with a nice family and home? There are, in fact, many people who are functional alcoholics and drug abusers, and will never in their lifetime end up on the streets. It's not that prostitutes haven't been shown grace, (everybody receives grace, this is referred to asCommon Grace, which God gives to everyone without distinction. One way this is shown, for example, is the gift of life), but the corruption in their hearts is different to that of an average drug user; the evil their hearts desire is stronger. And that is what leads them to a life of prostitution. They have chosen drugs for whatever reason that may be; many didn't choose prostitution, but prostitution is a consequence of what they have chosen. 

We're not saying we have concrete answers about all of this, it's just something we've been thinking about a lot. But we'll ask you again, why are you not a prostitute? Maybe some of you have further thoughts and better answers than we do.

Essay: The Wrong Question

The purpose of this essay will not be to tell stories from the internship because I feel we have fulfilled that through the blog. But rather this essay should serve to communicate my insights. However I would also like it to attempt to answer a question that has come up in conversations before arriving at Emmaus and during my stay here. This is a question that I have also asked my self. What can Emmaus do for these men?

Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.

My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]

Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.

But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.

Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;

‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]

It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.

Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.

However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.

God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.

In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.


[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.

The Wrong Question

The purpose of this essay will not be to tell stories from the internship because I feel we have fulfilled that through the blog. But rather this essay should serve to communicate my insights. However I would also like it to attempt to answer a question that has come up in conversations before arriving at Emmaus and during my stay here. This is a question that I have also asked my self. What can Emmaus do for these men?

Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.

My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]

Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.

But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.

Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;

‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]

It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.

Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.

However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.

God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.

In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.


[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.

Wednesday 15 August 2007

Roger's Last Outreach

Sorry this is a bit late, but with the drive back to Michigan I've fallen behind on writing.

I went on Outreach on Saturday with Brain and Sunday night with Nathaniel. Both nights were surprisingly quiet. Hardly any hustlers were out. But on both nights as we were walking from the Emmaus office to the area we work in I had, what can only be described as, a much stronger sense of darkness coming from the streets, but didn't know why until half way through Sunday night.

On Saturday night because it was so quiet we just sat outside 611 bar for a while. A customer from there came out and started talking to us. He really didn't like the idea that we were there working with the male prostitutes. He said, "This area is fine with out you, everything works great, we don't need people trying to come and change it". We tried to explain that we were not there to change things but just wanted to talk to the hustlers; but he just didn't listen. He was really quite drunk so that probably didn't help. 

During our conversation he seemed to be flirting and coming on to me, even though I had told him very clearly I wasn't gay. When that didn't work he then changed and started to try and intimidate me. We finally decided to leave the conversation because it wasn't getting us anywhere his anger towards us just kept growing and growing. There weren't any hustlers out either so it was best just to leave. 

Sunday, Nathaniel and I did an exit interview. We spent a long time in Cousins, the local drag bar, talking about the internship, what was good about it, and what could be improved upon for the next group of interns.

After the interview finished, we walked around the area, just having short conversations with some new dealers and some hustlers that Nathaniel knew but I hadn't met yet. As we walked by 611 we saw a dead chicken. We both had the same thoughts - aren't chickens used by devil worshipers? Nathaniel expressed his thoughts first, then he said that the hustlers often talk about Voodoo that goes on around the area. This is why I think I had that sense of darkness. Voodoo on the streets really isn't surprising considering everything else that goes on in that area. So we walked back over the area and prayed.

It was a shame that I didn't get to see the men that I had gotten to know over the last month for one last time, but it just reminded me how unpredictable the streets are. You never know who you are going to meet and what situations you are going to have to deal with next.

Saturday 11 August 2007

Goodbye to James

We found out yesterday from Nathaniel that Jamesnow has full-blown AIDS, and is in the hospital. So today we went to visit him and to say goodbye since we're heading back to Michigan on Monday.
It was really nice being able to see him one last time. He looked much better now that he's getting sleep and food regularly. He said he wasn't sure how long he would be in the hospital nor how long he has to live.

We took a few pictures and told him that we would keep in touch through sending letters to the Emmaus office. To our surprise, tears came to his eyes and he thanked us sincerely for helping him. He said, "I owe you guys a lot. I wouldn't have been able to do this without your help." It was really humbling for us to see him cry. This is a guy who is easily angered, a guy who becomes volatile with anyone, including people who are trying to help him. To see his genuine appreciation left us both quite speechless.

We realize that James still has a long journey ahead of him once he gets out of the hospital. He will still need to get his ID and Gold Card, he has to find a place to stay, and eventually get a job. But for him it shouldn't stop there; he still has a long way to go in his relationship with God. The two of us may not be able to help him with that, but Emmaus will of course carry on that work.

We've included a picture of James in his hospital bed, but we've blurred out his face in order to maintain confidentiality.

Thursday 9 August 2007

The Homeless Program

Today, we met James at Emmaus at 7:30am. This is our third attempt this week to take him to The Homeless Program office (pictured right). The first time, he showed up having lost all of his paperwork and ID that Brian and I (Lail) had helped him get only 2 days earlier. The second time, he didn't show up until 8:15am and we had already left around 8am thinking he wasn't going to come. And this third time, he came with all of his paperwork with him.

We had a flier from the Homeless Program explaining that they work on a first-come-first-serve basis so it is imperative to arrive early if we expect to be seen. The office doesn't open until 9am and we were outside waiting in line at about 7:45am. There were already 14-15 people ahead of us. Thank God, we were able to get in for James to meet with a counselor for an initial interview (this was to help determine what services were available for him) as well as apply for a Gold Card, which would provide James with free health care and medication.

Roger talked to the security guard there and explained that James often gets volatile and angry, and requested that he allow us to accompany James throughout the process. The security guard and the counselor allowed for only one of us to be with James during his interview. Roger suggested that I do it because I have a good rapport with him.

The counselor asked James some standard questions about his life. He then moved on to the health part of the interview, asking if he had any health problems. James replied harshly, "I'm dying," he stared at him as if he should have known that. The counselor, who was not expecting that type of response, said, "Oh, OK. From what?" James, getting more and more agitated said, "Everything." The counselor didn't say anything, so James continued, "I have Hepatitis, Syphilis, and I'm HIV positive" he counted on his fingers, "I have no strength, I'm tired all the time, I'm homeless so I don't get much sleep and can't eat right, I'm loosing 5 lbs. a week, I'm in excruciating pain all the time. Does that answer your question?"

I just shook my head and apologized silently to the counselor. I actually felt really bad for him because he was doing his best to be supportive and helpful. We soon got on the subject of emergency housing for AIDS patients. The counselor called a woman at an organization who then wanted to speak to James. The counselor handed James the phone. As they were talking, the counselor showed me a flier describing the organization. I read it and thought it sounded wonderful. It was a small facility that specialized in helping AIDS patients with a holistic approach. However, within a few minutes, James was yelling at the woman and finally through the phone across the desk and said, "Stupid bitch. No way am I going there. The hell with this." After he calmed down he explained that she wanted him to stop doing drugs. Guests at that facility are expected to be clean. To him this was absurd. He claimed, "I have to self medicate! It's the only way I can not feel pain."

At the end of our time at the Homeless Program we left with the following:
  • A $15 waiver, to pay for his birth certificate and ID.
  • A referral to the AIDS Foundation Houston
  • 5 different referrals to emergency housing for AIDS patients
  • And a Gold Card (considering the way the social system works here, this was huge to get done in just one morning!)
Overall I found this to be a frustrating experience. How do you help someone who doesn't make it easy to help them, who yells at people who are trying to help him, and demands that things be done his way? Can you ever actually help someone like this? Once they've gotten everything they want, will they just find something new to be unhappy about?

I have to think of Christ. How patient is He when I refuse His help and assume I know better? How often do I demand that God does things my way? Is it fair of me to really be that frustrated with James, when I do the exact same things to God and He shows me patience, grace, and mercy in abundance?

Tuesday 7 August 2007

Catch Up

The beginning of last week I (Roger) while on outreach with Nathaniel saw one of the men we know get arrested. He was really drunk and high. We were in mid conversation with him when all of the sudden he walked out into the road in front of a police car just to wind up the officer!! It really took us back. 

At the end of the week (Friday), Nathaniel went away on a marriage retreat with his wife, which left us interns in charge again. That night Brain and Lail went on street out reach. Then on Saturday it was mine and Brian's turn to walk the streets. We ran into the guy who I saw get arrested at the beginning of the week. It turns out he was released the next day after he had sobered up a bit. Which is good in one sense as his girlfriend (who we met that night also) is 6-8 months pregnant and homeless so she would have really struggled without him.

We all also ran the house of hospitality on Saturday during the day. The good news is that two new guy's turned up. We had a good time chatting with them, getting to know their needs spiritually and practically.

This week, because it is our last, seems to be quite packed. We have been trying to get James the right help now that is homeless and found out 3 weeks previous that he is HIV positive, but everything takes such a long time. We have two more books to read excerpts from and discuss with Nathaniel and Brain, an essay to write, Nathaniel and Lail have the Emmaus news letter to get out, and we all have a meal at the end of the week to meet the Emmaus Board of Directors in Houston. That's not including the normal house of hospitality three days this week and, street outreach.

When we get on top of things we hope to give you some reflections about our time with Emmaus.

Friday 3 August 2007

Emmaus Promo Video

Here is an Emmaus promo video. It has been made by Emmaus Chicago, so the streets and the center are different to the Houston center. However it will give you a good idea of what we do and the struggles the men through.




The Social System

Today, I got a very rude awakening to what it's like for someone to go through the social system. Brian and I went to pick up one of our guests, let's call him James, from Thomas Street Health Center, which is a health clinic specifically for patients with HIV and AIDS. It's supposedly one of the leading AIDS Hospitals in the country. One of the first doctors who discovered that HIV develops into AIDS currently works there.

We picked up James and spent the day with him basically to help him run errands. The plan was to first go to the social security office to get an ID, then to Ben Tuab Hospital to apply for a gold card, which is a card that lower-income people can apply for in order to get free medications, and then finally to one other office that provides free emergency housing to patients with AIDS. I'd love to say that we accomplished everything we set out to do, however I quickly realized that we would be lucky to even finish one thing on our list.

We started at the social security office to get an ID. We walked in to see one giant waiting room filled to the capacity. We got our number and managed to find seats. I looked around the room of people who were elderly or poor; everyone looked annoyed, frustrated, tired, and basically fed up. I turned to James and said, "This is depressing." He laughed and said, "Thanks." I quickly apologized realizing that I was probably not being very positive. He said, "No, don't apologize. Thank you for noticing how depressing this can be. This is bad enough if you're healthy and things in your life are alright. But think how this is for someone like me, who has nothing going for him."

As we continued to wait for our number to be called, we heard a woman getting very agitated. She was a deaf woman who was trying to communicate with the security guard, who didn't know any sign language. She was signing to him and making some noises, but none that were discernible words. She was getting more and more frustrated. The security guard finally went to get an employee that signed. I don't know much sign language, only the alphabet, but from what I could see the employee just kept telling her to leave. I watched his mouth, and he was, he was telling her, "Just get out. Just leave." She finally just broke down and cried. The security guard and the employee physically removed her from the building as she yelled, cried, and continued to sign to them. Everyone in the room just watched this awful scene. I looked around the room and saw the most horrified expressions on people's faces.

James, Brian, and I chatted for the next hour. During that time I asked him if he had any ID at all. He pulled out one piece of paper from his pocket. It was from a local prison stating that he was a registered sex offender. That was his only form of ID. After about an hour of waiting, we got the appropriate paperwork for James: a print out of his social security number, and a form saying he was homeless and had no income.

I won't get into the rest of the details of the day, which basically involved a series of waiting rooms, being turned away, or being sent somewhere else. The day concluded in James being told that the best thing he could do for himself would be to go to what is called The Homeless Program. I told James I would meet him at 7:30am Monday morning to go to this office and see how they can help him. He said that he can't guarantee that he will show up and left it at that.

Thursday 2 August 2007

Beyond Gay


We've been reading some chapter from a book,Beyond Gay by David Morrison. Below is an excerpt from that book, that took us slightly by surprise. The media, and the gay community, paint a very rosy picture about their lifestyle and community, but the reality is in fact very different:

"Suppose you were to move into a large house in San Francisco with a group of ten randomly selected homosexual men in their mid-thirties. According to the most recent research from scientific sources, whose authors are without exception either neutral or positive in their assessment of homosexual behavior, and with the use of lower numbers where the statistics differ, the relational and physical health of the group would look like this.

"Four of the ten men are currently in relationships, but only one of those is faithful to his partner and he will not be within a year. Four have never had a relationship that lasted more than a year and only one has had a relationship that lasted more than three years. Six are having sex regularly with strangers, and the group averages almost two partners per person per month. Three of them occasionally take part in orgies. One is a sadomasochist. One prefers boys to men.

"Three of the men are currently alcoholics, five have a history of alcohol abuse and four have a history of drug abuse. Three currently smoke cigarettes; five regularly use at least one illegal drug and three are multiple drug users. Four have a history of acute depression, three have seriously contemplated suicide and two have attempted suicide. Eight have a history of sexually transmitted diseases, eight currently carry infectious pathogens and three currently suffer from digestive or urinary ailments caused by these pathogens."

Our previous post below includes our discussion about this book, as well as some further research that we have done on bug parties.

Bug Parties

Just a warning, this is definitely not for the faint of heart. This post is going to be pretty disturbing and even shocking.

Last night, we met up with Nathaniel and Brian for prayer and dinner. Over dinner we discussed our reading for the week, Beyond Gay by David Morrison. In the first chapter, Morrison explains the concept of, what he calls, the "sex-at-any-cost" movement. This is the acceptance among the gay community that they most likely will not live to see 40 years of age. Therefore, rather than living a life without sex, they freely choose to participate in unsafe sex and risk contracting HIV.

The four of us discussed this for quite a while. We thought about why someone would make this type of choice. Although we may not have come to any conclusions, we did have some thoughts on the issue: The gay community is foundationally based on sex; the culture itself is sex. The world tell us that sex equals love and a life without love is not worth living. Essentially, the reason people have this tainted view of love, is because they don't know love in the true sense, which is God's love.

God's love is seen in terms of "giving." We can see this in John 3:16-17, which says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." Whereas, the type of love predominantly found within the gay community, is not about giving, but is instead based on taking. Sex is all about, "What can I get out of this?" and not, "How can I give to this other person?"

The discussion led to Nathaniel asking all of us if we had ever heard of bug parties. None of us had so we looked it up when we got home. The following information is taken from the website,http://www.gaylife.about.com/:

What are bug parties?
Bug parties are sex parties often ranging from a few to as many as 30 people. Unsafe sex with every participant at the party is encouraged. There are several variations of bug parties. At some, there is one member of the "orgy" that is HIV positive. Only this individual and the host know his positive status. The remaining participants know that there is an infected person in the room, but do not know his identity. The participants then partake in a night usually filled with alcohol, drugs and of course unsafe sex.

In other variations of a bug party, there is one person who is not infected with HIV, however the other participants are or may be. Every one is aware of the person who is disease free. The HIV negative person then allows the infected guys to have unprotected anal sex with him.

What is a "bug chaser?"
A bug chaser is a gay man who deliberately attempts to contract HIV by having unprotected sex with a man or group of men who are known to have the virus.

What is a "gift giver?"
A gift giver is an HIV positive gay man who deliberately transmits the virus, often times to bug chasers, or those willing to contract it.

Why do people participate in bug parties?
Many psychologists theorize that participation in bug parties is actually an anxiety disorder where the non-infected individuals fear getting HIV so greatly that they would rather contract it and free themselves of the anxiety of living in fear. These parties are also seen as a sort of club for those living with HIV. Infecting a HIV negative and willing participant initiates them into their world. Some people also engage in unprotected anal sex (or barebacking) as the fear for AIDS dangerously dwindles.

Monday 30 July 2007

Cafe Catholica

This afternoon we had a new guy show up at the House of Hospitality, although we've encountered him on Street Outreach 2-3 times. We've spoken about him in a previous post. Today he expressed wanting to go to rehab for his problem with alcohol.

The first time he was drunk was when he was 13 years old, and that was with his father. Throughout his teenage years he was more into smoking pot (marijuana) then he was into alcohol. He explained it was until he was about 19-20 years old that he really started drinking heavily. Over the past 20 years, the longest he's ever been sober is 10 months and that was with the help of AA. Part of today was spent phoning different rehabs to see who had room available; the best rehab that Nathaniel prefers to send people to denied him because he is HIV positive. So that was pretty unfortunate.

A lot of the men Emmaus encounters talk about getting jobs, going to rehab, or following through with this or that; but it's the following through part that's the problem. So although this guy says he wants to go to rehab and get back to a normal life, we're trying not to get our hopes up too much because in this type of ministry it's pretty common for people to fall back into their old habits.

This evening, Roger went to a young people's meeting (20-30 years old) called Cafe Catholica to recruit people to volunteer and to promote Emmaus. Several people signed up for information on volunteering and to be put on the Emmaus mailing list.

Saturday 28 July 2007

Holding Down the Emmaus Fort

I think we mentioned that Nathaniel is out of town this weekend and Brian is gone until the end of the month, so we I were on our own. We both felt pretty confident about it but, we wish we could say that sentiment was shared among the hustlers. Friday night, when we went out on Street Outreach, we had 4 different hustlers tell us, "Be careful tonight," or "Take care of yourselves," or some other phrase that conveyed their concern for our safety. Each time I walked away kind of confused and said to Roger, "Do people normally say that kind of stuff to you?" Roger said, "No, but that's because one of us is usually with Nathaniel."

We concluded that everyone must see us as being really young and innocent. As one of the hustlers put it, "I have one foot in paradise and one in the grave. You two have both feet in paradise and yet, you choose to come here." We thought that was a really interesting way to describe what he was doing. He has one foot in paradise, probably meaning a family, a nice home, and a nice job. His other foot, the one that wants to be in a neighborhood like Montrose to do drugs and to hustle, is in the grave.

Despite the 'young and innocent' barrier we had to climb last night, we still ended up having good conversations with quite a few men. We even met one new hustler, who has only been on the street for about 4 weeks. He claimed to be very interested in rehab because he desperately wants to be off the streets.

Another interesting conversation last night was with a man that Nathaniel and I had spoken to before at Cousin's, the drag bar. He was telling us that he has to make $100, which is about 50 pounds, each night. He's in 40s, which is considered old for a hustler. This means he has to take less per trick in order to make the amount he needs. He told us when he gets desperate he takes his shirt off. Younger hustlers say that making money is so easy; that's why oftentimes they are hesitant to leave that lifestyle because money is consistent and plentiful. $100 is enough for a hotel room (aprox. $60-70), food (maybe $15), and just enough left over for drugs or alcohol. He told us the other night he made close to $250. One would assume that since he made more than usual that night he would take a night off from hustling, but instead he spent it on alcohol. 

This morning we ran the House of Hospitality. Usually just one or two guys show up, but three showed up today so we were pretty psyched! It was a little difficult because the men always have to be accompanied so in that sense we were out numbered, but everything worked out fine. The new guy that showed up became very chatty after lunch was over and pretty much opened up about a lot of different things.

He told us that is mom had given him weed (Marijuana) at the age of four years old. When he and his sister were fighting or rowdy, (aka being kids) she would tell them to smoke a joint to make them stop. He said he's not angry with his mom and doesn't hold her responsible. He thinks it's a great thing she did, exclaiming, "Weed's the greatest thing ever!" It's no wonder that he's hooked on the drugs he is now if his first drug experience was at the age of four and encouraged by his own mom. Roger and I were both pretty bothered by this. It just seems like such an unfair start to life.

Friday 27 July 2007

611

Last night, I went out with Gail, who has been volunteering with Emmuas for about a year and a half, on Street Outreach. I struggle writing about a night out on the streets. There's always the dilemma of what details to include, so that you can understand what it's like out there as well as understand the men we meet, in a way that doesn't break their confidence. The least I can say about last night is, it was slightly unusual.

We walked into the usual areas and stood on a specific street corner most known for prostitution. Try and imagine: it is a busy corner, the hustlers are hanging around, coming and going. The drug dealers are always just near by down the street usually standing in the darkness. There's a bar called 611 right on the corner (here's a short review on it) and a club just opposite as well, which makes it the perfect place to sell what ever it is you have to offer. So for us, this a a great place just to sit on the curb side and speak to who ever is willing to join us.

Very soon after we had arrived I hear a guy shout out, "Hey man!" As I turned round 'the man with the chain' was walking up with a massive smile on his face, and his hand out to greet me. He seemed pleased to see us. We sat and started to chat. After a while we all headed off to a local pharmacy to get some bug spray as we were all getting bitten by mosquitoes. Oh and by the way I have 15 new bits just from last night and they really itch. Anyway during the walk he started to open up to us about his past life. Needless to say he has seen it and done it all: hustling, drug dealing, shootings, and a lot of time in prison, for different reasons. And of course he is still involved in a lot of that.

He has a great knowledge of the Bible. A lot of these men have been brought up in a church or have been ministered to while on the streets or in prison. But as he puts it he, "is not living a sanctified life." In other words, he is not being changed to be more like Jesus. He explained that he knows to be more like Jesus it is a partnership between him and God. He is completely right; he needs to want to change just as much as God wants to change him.

It was nice to have an honest chat with him about his relationship with God. A lot of these guys, him being one, would class themselves as Christians. They know that they not only need to ask God for forgiveness, which many of them have done, but to live a life that is pleasing to God. That's the part where they are struggling, and seems to be where Emmaus Ministries comes in, to help them live out their Christian faith in accordance with the Bible.

We arrived back to 611 and sat down again on the curb side. Soon after, we were joined by a new guy. He had been out on the streets since 1989. I straight away noticed something square-shaped tucked under his sock. As we chatted he told us that he had been working out of a motel and hasn't worked around here for quite a while because he is getting too old and soft for the streets. He said he's getting tired of this life now. He reached down to his sock and pulled out his wallet and showed me an address to a good rehab unit in Houston. They had agreed to take him into a one-year program of drug rehab. He had come down last night to say good bye to an old friend of his but had found out that he was in jail.

Like most nights, the cops were driving up and down the streets. We started to joke around that we were going to get moved on soon, when two cop cars pulled up. The policemen got out of the cars and said (pointing at Gail, myself, and two other hustlers standing next to us) put your hands on the hood (bonnet) of the car. As we started to stand up Gail pointed at our name badges and said that we were with Emmaus Ministries the officer looked at his watch and seeing the time told us to sit back down. After the three officers frisked the hustlers and let them go, he came and had a chat with us. He was nice, he asked what we were doing and in one sense showed a good interest. As he walked away he shouted out to us, "Stay safe!"

Thursday 26 July 2007

The Guy with the Chain

Remember the posting a couple of days ago where we mentioned "that some guy attacked another guy with a thick steel chain"? Well, guess who came to the House of Hospitality today?! The Guy with the Chain!! During lunch, I asked him, "Haven't I seen you before?" And he explained that I had seen him on Tuesday night. Then it occurred to me, "You're the guy with the chain!" He laughed and said, "Did I look pretty angry that night." I said he did. He explained that the fight was over an unresolved financial issue where a guy owed him some money but wasn't willing to pay it. I asked if he had gotten hurt during the fight, to which he replied, "I was the one with the chain, remember?"

we really enjoyed getting to know him. He has an interest in God and the Bible and can quote scripture and stories. He explained that during time spent in jail, he and some other inmates would have bible studies and prayer time together. When he got out of jail it meant that he had lost his Christian network. He is struggling with drugs and has been prostituting on and off for the last 14 years. One thing that Nathaniel commented on was his honesty. The fight a couple of nights ago, for instance; he came right out and said what he had done and why he had done it. He didn't try to play it off as if he had been attacked or try to convince us of the other guy's wrong doing. He was very open and straightforward about everything. If there was something he didn't want to talk about he just stated that, rather than coming up with some wild story. Roger and I both tend to trust Nathaniel's judgment of character when it comes to these guys.

I had a really interesting chat with one of the other guys who came to the House of Hospitality today. He's come about twice before and is always pretty open to chatting. He admitted to me that he is back to using drugs again. It was kind of a blow because he was coming up for almost 10 days without using, which is the longest he's ever gone. We were all praying for him and trying to encourage and support his decision to stop using. He explained, "I didn't go out looking for drugs, but instead it found me." He didn't get into details, but basically I think he means that someone else had some drugs and offered it to him and he was too weak to resist. He said, "I wish I could just walk away from situations like that."

As we kept talking about it, he asked what I thought to be an extremely thought-provoking question: Why do we poison ourselves? Drugs are similar to alcohol and cigarettes in the sense that it does damage and is addictive, although maybe a bit more, but for the most part it has the same affect. So why is it that the human race enjoys poisoning themselves?

Wednesday 25 July 2007

Eggs and Police

Last night, we all went over to Nathaniel's for dinner; his wife, Catherine also joined us, which was nice. We met to discuss our reading for this week, The Soul of the Apostolate by Dom Jean-Baptiste Chautard. Even though it was a hard read the author had a very good message: ministry done without relying on Jesus and calling on his powers is, as the author puts it 'stupid self-conceitedness'. Nathaniel wants us not only to minster to the men but also to grow in our relationship with God during our time out here, this book was one way of helping us in that. After dinner, all 4 of us went on outreach. It was 2 teams: Lail and Brain, and Roger and Nathaniel.

Nathanial and I had some good conversations with the men that night. We met a couple of new hustlers. This isn't unusual as these men are always moving around the country or are in and out of jail. One unfortunate incident of the night, was, that we did get eggs thrown at us I think out of a car.

We also got into a conversation with one of the hustlers that got very angry at Nathaniel. Apparently, this guy had sent off for his Social Security ID, however it got lost in the post so Emmaus never received it. The men use Emmaus' address to have post sent to them as a lot of them are homeless. In the States, you can't do anything with out an ID, so in order for him to get a job or housing, and eventually get off the streets ID is essential. Instead of talking to the post office, this man thought it would be better to take his anger out on Nathaniel. Nathaniel said that is not unusual behavior for him - but that didn't make it any nicer.

The evening for Brian and me was slightly better than the previous night. We had a few good conversations with the hustlers. One in particular was with a man, who is not a hustler, but is a homosexual man in his 40s who used to bar tend in the Montrose area for about 12 years. He's now a chef in the city but still comes back to the area to party. This man was raised Catholic and is extremely angry and cannot seem to reconcile his past with Catholicism. He kept exclaiming, "Catholics are messed up, man!" (He didn't use the word "messed," but I think you guys can figure out what word he used instead). He said the the Catholic church is the perfect place for pedophiles to hide out.

He kept saying, "I love God and he loves me...but I will never go to church again." I asked him what he thought it meant to love God, to which he repeated his previous statement. I forgot to mention that he was pretty drunk so having a conversation with him was quite difficult. I asked him if he would agree that to love God means to serve Him, to worship Him, to submit to His will, and to read His word? But he just said,"Hell no!" The conversation sort of kept going like that for about 30-40 minutes. He talked a lot about how hard it was for him in high school being gay and being terrorized, and beat up on a daily basis, by the other students. Brian and I could tell there had been a lot of past hurt in his life and we were only scratching the surface. I really hope to be able to talk to him again, maybe even have a sober conversation with him.

Around 12am Brian and I were sitting on the curb outside of a bar. It's a really good place to sit because a lot of people walk by and often 1 or 2 hustlers will come and sit with you. A police car was slowly driving down the street and stopped by us. One of the hustlers came to our defense and said, "They're just church people." The police officer, in his Texan drawl said, "Take your ministry some place else! We don't allow people to just sit on the curb!" We didn't hesitate to comply, we just moved on. It wasn't worth getting into it with him.

All in all, we can both say that our experiences with outreach has been very good. The only bad things are the mosquitoes! Every night after outreach we both come home with fresh bites! The joke goes: What's the state bird of Texas? Give up? Mosquitoes!!

There's an article that is pretty interesting; it's called Battle Scars. We should warn you though, it's pretty crude, but very informative about life as a hustler.

Tuesday 24 July 2007

Choices

Last night Nathaniel and I went on Street Outreach. Right away the night started with sort of an odd feeling. Nathaniel stopped walking and said, "Have you heard of the Nicene Creed?" I told him it sounded familiar. He explained that he was talking to a priest about spiritual battle/demonic forces and asked the priest what he suggested. The priest told him to pray the Nicene Creed. We both prayed it.

We then went to a local bar and sat outside on the sidewalk. We chatted with different people that were walking by and told a couple of them about the House of Hospitality and how we would love to see them there. Then out of nowhere, we heard a huge crash like the sound of breaking glass. It sounded like a car window had broken. Shortly after a police car and an ambulance came by. We found out through talking to people during the night that some guy attacked another guy with a thick steel chain. The man who was attacked, out of retaliation, smashed the other guy's car window.

We quickly moved away from that situation only to find ourselves in a worse one. We were walking down the street and saw a group of people at the corner. All of the sudden we see one guy get punched in the face and fall to the ground. He then was kicked in the head twice. It was awful. You know how you see violence in movies and you're sort of desensitized to it? But in real life it's so different; I could hear the sound of fist against skull and then just saw his body crumple to the ground, and then heard the sound of foot against skull. I felt like my heart stopped for a second.

After the group sort of scattered, Nathaniel and I went up to the man who was still not moving. The good thing was he was breathing, but wouldn't respond when we asked him his name or if he was okay. A local resident, who I think must have witnessed it as well, went into his house to call for an ambulance. The man who had punched him came back and started swearing at him saying he had gotten what he deserved and he would "knock his punk ass out again." At this point I was sort of nervous because the whole group of men were back and I thought they were going to finish him off. They ended up leaving though - thank God.

Eventually the man started to open his eyes slightly and move a bit. We asked if he was okay and he said he was. He stood up and we asked him what happened. He explained that his friend was there to buy drugs, but was expecting him to pay for it. When he refused, his friend took off and left him with an extremely angry drug dealer who had just been robbed in one sense. The drug dealer was the one that had beaten him up. We told him that an ambulance was on the way, but he refused and said he would be fine; he added that he'd survived worse. He wiped the blood off of his face and thanked us and shook our hands. He asked which way the bar was, and then just strolled down the street as if nothing had happened. Nathaniel and I were pretty unsettled by all of this.

We then went on to Cousins, the local drag bar. We talked to one hustler the whole time. He told us that he is seriously wanting to do rehab and would come to the House of Hospitality on Thursday to discuss it more - I hope he comes! He also told us that he can't stand women. He had been sexually abused (technically raped) by a female friend of the family, which explains his negative association with women. Therefore he concludes that he's homosexual. Nathaniel was explaining to me that often times hustlers get confused about what they prefer sexually after they've had sex with so many men. They sometimes enjoy it, even crave it, although at one time in their lives they preferred women.

It's hard to think about the things kids have to suffer at the hands of adults who are angry, confused, and probably have experienced similar abuse as children. Someone once asked me, "Why bother helping male prostitutes? If this is the life they choose, then leave them alone. It's their choice and therefore their fault for being in the situations they are." Emmaus has a great promotional pamphlet about this concept of Choice. I can't remember exactly how it goes, but it's something to this affect:

The choices they had, and the choices you had, were very different.
And maybe if you had the choices they had, then maybe you would be a prostitute too.

Monday 23 July 2007

Emmaus Mobile

Today was the House of Hospitality again. For the first hour Roger and Nathaniel went on outreach, to see if they could find any one to bring to the center. The streets were empty, so they spent most of their time in a bar talking to the bartender. He was a new employee, but during his time there he has seemed to have cleaned the bar up - at least in the day time anyway. He won't let the men hustle there anymore. We left him with some Emmaus cards for him to give to any hustlers that he thinks might need our help.

A new guy that Roger and Nathanial met on Saturday night turned up to the House of Hospitality. He, in one sense was unusual, in regards to his family background and job experience, in that his parents are still together and he had a normal upbringing, he has also held average jobs for years at a time. But like a lot of the hustlers he's been on and off the streets from a young age.

Sunday 22 July 2007

Rogers First Outreach

Last night was my first time with Nathanial on outreach. Like Lail we met at 9.00pm and chatted for a while about the do's and don'ts. Nathanial also gave me some good tips if a guy started to touch me / chat me up. In one sense this is expected while out on the streets and in the bars, because the men are there to pick up a guy or hustle. As a man I'm a potential customer until they realize I'm with Emmaus. But we must never let them get comfortable with that behaviour towards us. We then went onto the chapel and got on the streets around 10.30pm.

We had driven around this neighbourhood a number of times, and each time I found it hard to imagine what it was like at night because it seems like such a nice couple of blocks (here's a link of the area). But when we walked into it, it seemed to be a totally different place - it was like walking into a new world, but one that had been established for many more years. The later the night went on the more men, drag queens, hustlers and tricks came out, and the more it changed.

Like Lail, Nathanial took me to the oldest gay bar in the neighbourhood, it's been open for about 30 years, and was the reason the Gay community moved into that area. Its the bar where drag queens put on their shows and hustlers work out of, and thus the most seedy in the area. But at the same time, there was a feeling of community about it. The type of feel in one sense that you might find in any club or church: they all knew each other, they were joking around, having a laugh and catching up - it was a place were they felt safe and with people that understood them and felt like them. The greetings they gave each other and the jokes they told might have been different from that of a club or church, but it did have that same hustle and bustle about it. However underneath all that there seemed to be a sense of desperation and futility.

The streets again had that community feel. All the hustlers and drug dealers knew each other and of course Nathanial. There was a sense of openness in part to what they were doing. The same cars would slowly drive by many times looking at the hustlers, I was offered drugs on while walking around because they didn't recognise me to be with Emmaus yet. The police would be driving up and down, however barely powerless to do anything. On every corner there would be a deal going on, between the hustlers and tricks or the dealers and hustlers or just the normal clubbing punters.

But again underneath it all there was a real sense of distrust. Every one is checking their backs the whole time. Making sure their either not in danger or missing out on a deal. We of course are the same, positioning ourselves so we can see each others backs.

We spoke to a number of men over the night - all with different stories. All on some kind of drug - Marijuana, Crack, Crystal Meth. They all had two things in common - the job they were doing and the fact they need help - spiritually and physically to get off the drugs and the streets.

We finished at 2:00am, went back to the church, made a few notes and headed home. I was in bed at 3.30am.

Friday 20 July 2007

Important Facts

Heres some important facts about male prostitution.

  • What is the street name for a male prostitute? 37% of you said Escort. The correct answer is Hustler. Here's some more street slang: the client or buyer of male sex is known as a 'Trick'. To professionals or law enforcement, these guys are known as the 'Johns,' but on the street they are tricks. Also, 'Turning a Trick' is the street expression for the act of sex.
  • Are male prostitues for women, men, or both? 81% of you said Both. The correct answer is Men. The vast majority of male prostitutes' customers are men.
  • What is the sexual orientation of most male prostitutes? 80% of you said Bisexual. The correct answer is Heterosexual. Male prostitutes are not usually Homosexual or Bisexual. In one study, only 17.9% of the male prostitutes surveyed identified themselves as homosexual, which is less than 1 in 5.
  • What percentage of male prostitutes have HIV? 46% of you said 40%. The correct answer is that rates of HIV infection run at about 30% among male prostitutes.
  • Is male prostitution on the rise? 93% of you said Yes. And you're absolutely right! Prostitution arrests involving men rose from 20.7% in 1970 to 42% in 1998. Between 1989 and 1998, arrests for female prostitution dropped by 13.3 %; arrests for men during the same period rose 16%.

Thursday 19 July 2007

House of Hospitality

Today was our first experience with running the Hospitality center. We were very pleased with how well it went. Only one guy showed up for prayer, but it was fine because it gave us a good chance to get to know him. So the five of us prayed together this morning before having a great pizza lunch. Emmaus Ministries strives to provide a home and family atmosphere. So we eat together around a table like a family would. Everyone signs up for a chore, like setting the table or clearing up afterwards, which also contributes to the family atmosphere. After lunch, we spent time just chatting about different things. At 2pm, when the Hospitality center closed, we drove him back to the place he's currently staying.

This evening, we had the other intern, Brian, over for a time of prayer and sharing a meal together. We decided to cook a traditional English dish - fish and chips!

Tuesday 17 July 2007

First Day at Emmaus

Today we met Nathaniel (that's him on the left of the picture), the director of Emmaus Houston and our boss for the next month. He gave us a tour of where we will be working and we also found out what are schedules will look like for the next month.

So here's what we know:

  • We meet every morning at 10:30am for staff prayer time. Some of the men we serve will come to pray at this time too.

  • We run a House of Hospitality (pictured here) every Monday, Thursday, and Saturday from 11am to 2pm. This is a time of sharing a meal with the men and then just hanging out and getting to know them. Brian (pictured on the top right), the other intern, explained that this it a time when Nathaniel gives spiritual guidance to those who are seeking.

  • Three times a week we will be involved in Street Outreach. This will happen from 9pm to 2am. We may go into nightclubs or gay bars known for prostitution. We'll always be in groups of two when we go out.

  • Once a week, we will get together with Brian for a meal and prayer time

  • Once a week, we also will meet for a meal and discussion with Nathaniel about the reading for that week. Every week we will have an article, or excerpt having to do with or related to male prostitution.

  • We have to also meet with someone (who is not part of Emmaus) once a week for about an hour or two to have regular one-to-one bible studies with, spiritual encouragement/accountability, and basically just someone to unload on if we've had a tough week. There are two people that Nathaniel has set up for us. We should be contacting them soon.

  • And lastly we have weekly reflective writing to do. This is just a time for us to process our experience. At the end of our internship we will have a brief essay due describing our insights. And an exit interview with Nathaniel.

Wednesday 11 July 2007

Emmaus Ministries

Tomorrow we're off to Houston, Texas for a month. We will be interning/volunteering with Emmaus Ministries, which is an organization that does street outreach to men involved in prostitution. Emmaus Ministries originally started in Chicago, Illinois. Lail got involved with them towards the end of her senior year. However, when the opportunity to travel to Denmark to study Human Trafficking & Prostitution came up, she took that instead of staying on with Emmaus. We contacted Emmaus Chicago to see if there would be any opportunities with them for this summer and they steered us toward Emmaus Houston.


Emmaus Houston is still in its starting up phase. They currently only have one full time employee, who is also the director, Nathaniel Saylor; he and his wife, Catherine both work there. There will also be one other intern, Brian, who we will be working with. We're both pretty excited although at the same time, we're not really sure what to expect. We told Nathaniel that we want to learn all the different aspects of what is involved in running Emmaus. He assured us that we would get a taste of everything: street outreach, running the hospitality center, networking, some administrative working, reading up on the subject, etc. The part of Houston we will be working in is called Montrose, (similar to Boystown in Chicago, or Soho in London), which is known for tons of night clubs and gay bars, and of course, male prostitution.


There are many reasons for wanting to go to Emmaus. First and foremost, is that we want to share the gospel with men who are in desperate situations. One of the other things we hope to accomplish in this month, is that we want to understand what all goes into running an organization such as this, with the hope that we could go back to London to one day start something similar.


When most people think of prostitution, they generally don't think of men being involved. Along the right margin we have included 5 questions about male prostitution to test your knowledge on the subject. Other people won't know what you have answered, so don't be shy! It's just a fun way to gain some knowledge in this area.