Did you grow up in a loving family and in a safe neighborhood? Do you have a good education and a good job? Have you avoided traps like drugs and alcohol? Do you hold high morals concerning your body and sexuality that you could never engage in something as low as prostitution?
Many of you, may have answered 'no' to these questions. You had tough childhood, you don't have a good education, and you were/are using drugs and alcohol, then why are you not a prostitute? Really ask yourself, "Why am I not a prostitute? What makes me different? What factors in my life have kept me from leading a life of prostitution?"
We have both thought about this question a lot since our internship. Why can one child grow up in an abusive household, be sexually abused as a child, get involved with drugs, and end up as a prostitute, while another child with the same issues doesn't? Or conversely, another child can grow up with a completely happy childhood, still get involved with drugs, and still end up as a prostitute.
It's really easy to detach ourselves from the issue of prostitution, as though it is simply a problem that affects them and not us. But the reality is, none of us are immune from going down this same path. So really, why aren't you a prostitute?
The more we thought about this we realized how complex it all is. But we did come up with a couple of answers: First, is the concept of Grace. Grace is being given something that we don't deserve and didn't earn. It was through God's grace that we could have great parents, a good education, and job skills to fall back on. It was also God's grace that prevented us from getting sucked into drugs and alcohol. Most importantly, it was God's grace that opened our eyes to Jesus. It's God's grace that keeps our eyes on Jesus. This doesn't leave much room for boasting in our own strengths, efforts, or wise decisions.
Second, is that everybody has a part of them that has been corrupted, which the Bible calls 'Sin.' This corruption shows itself in different ways with different people. For us, our sin will be different than to that of a prostitute but that doesn't mean that we are better or worse than them, only that it is displayed in a different way.
So why are the men we worked with in Houston involved in prostitution instead of working in an office job, with a nice family and home? There are, in fact, many people who are functional alcoholics and drug abusers, and will never in their lifetime end up on the streets. It's not that prostitutes haven't been shown grace, (everybody receives grace, this is referred to asCommon Grace, which God gives to everyone without distinction. One way this is shown, for example, is the gift of life), but the corruption in their hearts is different to that of an average drug user; the evil their hearts desire is stronger. And that is what leads them to a life of prostitution. They have chosen drugs for whatever reason that may be; many didn't choose prostitution, but prostitution is a consequence of what they have chosen.
We're not saying we have concrete answers about all of this, it's just something we've been thinking about a lot. But we'll ask you again, why are you not a prostitute? Maybe some of you have further thoughts and better answers than we do.
Thursday, 16 August 2007
Essay: The Wrong Question
The purpose of this essay will not be to tell stories from the internship because I feel we have fulfilled that through the blog. But rather this essay should serve to communicate my insights. However I would also like it to attempt to answer a question that has come up in conversations before arriving at Emmaus and during my stay here. This is a question that I have also asked my self. What can Emmaus do for these men?
Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.
My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]
Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.
But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.
Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;
‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]
It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.
Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.
However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.
God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.
In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.
[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.
Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.
My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]
Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.
But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.
Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;
‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]
It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.
Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.
However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.
God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.
In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.
[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.
The Wrong Question
The purpose of this essay will not be to tell stories from the internship because I feel we have fulfilled that through the blog. But rather this essay should serve to communicate my insights. However I would also like it to attempt to answer a question that has come up in conversations before arriving at Emmaus and during my stay here. This is a question that I have also asked my self. What can Emmaus do for these men?
Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.
My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]
Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.
But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.
Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;
‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]
It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.
Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.
However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.
God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.
In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.
[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.
Before arriving at Emmaus I hadn’t had any ministry experience in working with male prostitutes or people that were so dependent and thus addicted to drugs. I was understandably apprehensive. I didn’t know how I was going to react to the men and how they were going to react to me. I didn’t have any real knowledge of this world and thus was scared I would say or do something wrong. Even though I have had experience working with young people that were very street wise, I knew that wouldn’t have prepared me enough for a new country, culture and thus a very different street life.
My apprehension, however, left very quickly when I re-learnt a very important lesson from Nathaniel. Everything that we do must be covered in prayer and thus, handed over to God. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it very well when he said that an apostle (Christian) would insult Jesus Christ if he relied on his own powers.[1]
Even though Nathaniel had explained that ministry with Emmuas sees very little fruit - the reality didn’t really hit until I had experienced it. Working with these men is not easy, it is not that a lot of the men don’t want help, but because of their lifestyle and addictions getting them to ‘follow through’ is hard, if not impossible. One of the men put it this way; ‘you can never give a drug addict a chance to re-think’. What he meant was, once they have decided to go into rehab, they’ve got to go that day otherwise the pull of drugs will be so strong they will never go. Humans are fallen we cannot expect them to follow through on their own or even with support, God has to be working as well, it is only through his power that these men will turn around. That’s why the AA program recognises God in recovery and is firmly based on His word.
But what can Emmaus do for these men? I have learnt over this internship that this is the wrong question to be asking, as it brings in the possibility that no work should or can be done to help these men. Rather the question we ask must be; what should Emmaus do for these men? The answer I think is two fold – nothing and everything, let me explain.
Emmaus in one sense can do nothing for these men in view of their spiritual walk with God. That is not to say that Emmaus is useless in its ministry. Emmaus like any ministry should recognise it cannot take anyone closer to God by its own good works, we cannot help them to change their lives to be more like that of Christ’. Don Jean-Baptiste Chantard put it like this;
‘Failure, on the part of the apostle, to realize…that he could produce the slightest trace of supernatural life without borrowing every bit of it from Jesus Christ, would lead us to believe that his ignorance of theology was equalled only by his stupid self-conceit’.[2]
It is, I believe, only God who can fulfil that role. He only draws people to himself through his son Jesus, he only through his Holy Spirit sanctifies people – makes them more like Jesus. I’m am not saying either that these men are hopeless and will never find God, a lot of these men would say they have received Christ’s forgiveness – they are in a relationship with God. But as much as it is God’s work to change these men at the same time it is up to the these men to want to grow in their relationship with God they have got to equally go along with God, want to become like him and thus ask him to help them in that.
Likewise in view of the men’s physical life to get off the drugs into a job ect – which co-insides with their sanctification, without God this would be a useless task. These men are so addicted to drugs so use to their life that they need God’s supernatural powers to change, any work we do as humans would be worthless.
However my answer to the question was two fold and the other side is that Emmaus should be doing everything we have mentioned above.
God has chosen to work through two things. Primarily, the Holy Spirit uses His own word (the bible) to change us. Secondly He works through his family – other Christians. Emmaus is part of God’s family and therefore should lovingly bring God’s word to the men so that He can speak to them and change them, as the apostle Paul said ‘how can they hear (and thus trust in God and change) without someone preaching to them’.[3] We should because the Holy Spirit speaks through Christians by gracefully showing the men how their lives need to change so they become more like Christ in a loving and humble way.[4] Emmaus should also be working to take these men off the streets and into rehab and jobs, as this is part of their sanctification and thus God will be working in it.
In conclusion I have re-learnt that we must cover everything we do in prayer, without God working in this ministry any work we do is hopeless. This has been brought to my attention so much more because of the type of ministry Emmaus is involved in.
I have also come to realise we should and must help these men; there must not be in our minds any kind of thought that we shouldn’t work with them. We mustn’t either just help them to get out of prostitution and off the streets but, we should also spend as much time and energy in helping them – being used by God, so that they get to know and grow in him.
[1] The Soul of The Apostolate, Don Jean-Baptiste, Page 9
[2] T.S.of.the.A, Page 9
[3] Romans 10:15
[4] As long as what we are saying is from the bible – The Holy Spirit would never contradict his own word and therefore from Him to speak through us we need to be using his words, the bible.
Wednesday, 15 August 2007
Roger's Last Outreach
Sorry this is a bit late, but with the drive back to Michigan I've fallen behind on writing.
I went on Outreach on Saturday with Brain and Sunday night with Nathaniel. Both nights were surprisingly quiet. Hardly any hustlers were out. But on both nights as we were walking from the Emmaus office to the area we work in I had, what can only be described as, a much stronger sense of darkness coming from the streets, but didn't know why until half way through Sunday night.
On Saturday night because it was so quiet we just sat outside 611 bar for a while. A customer from there came out and started talking to us. He really didn't like the idea that we were there working with the male prostitutes. He said, "This area is fine with out you, everything works great, we don't need people trying to come and change it". We tried to explain that we were not there to change things but just wanted to talk to the hustlers; but he just didn't listen. He was really quite drunk so that probably didn't help.
During our conversation he seemed to be flirting and coming on to me, even though I had told him very clearly I wasn't gay. When that didn't work he then changed and started to try and intimidate me. We finally decided to leave the conversation because it wasn't getting us anywhere his anger towards us just kept growing and growing. There weren't any hustlers out either so it was best just to leave.
Sunday, Nathaniel and I did an exit interview. We spent a long time in Cousins, the local drag bar, talking about the internship, what was good about it, and what could be improved upon for the next group of interns.
After the interview finished, we walked around the area, just having short conversations with some new dealers and some hustlers that Nathaniel knew but I hadn't met yet. As we walked by 611 we saw a dead chicken. We both had the same thoughts - aren't chickens used by devil worshipers? Nathaniel expressed his thoughts first, then he said that the hustlers often talk about Voodoo that goes on around the area. This is why I think I had that sense of darkness. Voodoo on the streets really isn't surprising considering everything else that goes on in that area. So we walked back over the area and prayed.
It was a shame that I didn't get to see the men that I had gotten to know over the last month for one last time, but it just reminded me how unpredictable the streets are. You never know who you are going to meet and what situations you are going to have to deal with next.
I went on Outreach on Saturday with Brain and Sunday night with Nathaniel. Both nights were surprisingly quiet. Hardly any hustlers were out. But on both nights as we were walking from the Emmaus office to the area we work in I had, what can only be described as, a much stronger sense of darkness coming from the streets, but didn't know why until half way through Sunday night.
On Saturday night because it was so quiet we just sat outside 611 bar for a while. A customer from there came out and started talking to us. He really didn't like the idea that we were there working with the male prostitutes. He said, "This area is fine with out you, everything works great, we don't need people trying to come and change it". We tried to explain that we were not there to change things but just wanted to talk to the hustlers; but he just didn't listen. He was really quite drunk so that probably didn't help.
During our conversation he seemed to be flirting and coming on to me, even though I had told him very clearly I wasn't gay. When that didn't work he then changed and started to try and intimidate me. We finally decided to leave the conversation because it wasn't getting us anywhere his anger towards us just kept growing and growing. There weren't any hustlers out either so it was best just to leave.
Sunday, Nathaniel and I did an exit interview. We spent a long time in Cousins, the local drag bar, talking about the internship, what was good about it, and what could be improved upon for the next group of interns.
After the interview finished, we walked around the area, just having short conversations with some new dealers and some hustlers that Nathaniel knew but I hadn't met yet. As we walked by 611 we saw a dead chicken. We both had the same thoughts - aren't chickens used by devil worshipers? Nathaniel expressed his thoughts first, then he said that the hustlers often talk about Voodoo that goes on around the area. This is why I think I had that sense of darkness. Voodoo on the streets really isn't surprising considering everything else that goes on in that area. So we walked back over the area and prayed.
It was a shame that I didn't get to see the men that I had gotten to know over the last month for one last time, but it just reminded me how unpredictable the streets are. You never know who you are going to meet and what situations you are going to have to deal with next.
Saturday, 11 August 2007
Goodbye to James
We found out yesterday from Nathaniel that Jamesnow has full-blown AIDS, and is in the hospital. So today we went to visit him and to say goodbye since we're heading back to Michigan on Monday.It was really nice being able to see him one last time. He looked much better now that he's getting sleep and food regularly. He said he wasn't sure how long he would be in the hospital nor how long he has to live.
We took a few pictures and told him that we would keep in touch through sending letters to the Emmaus office. To our surprise, tears came to his eyes and he thanked us sincerely for helping him. He said, "I owe you guys a lot. I wouldn't have been able to do this without your help." It was really humbling for us to see him cry. This is a guy who is easily angered, a guy who becomes volatile with anyone, including people who are trying to help him. To see his genuine appreciation left us both quite speechless.
We realize that James still has a long journey ahead of him once he gets out of the hospital. He will still need to get his ID and Gold Card, he has to find a place to stay, and eventually get a job. But for him it shouldn't stop there; he still has a long way to go in his relationship with God. The two of us may not be able to help him with that, but Emmaus will of course carry on that work.
We've included a picture of James in his hospital bed, but we've blurred out his face in order to maintain confidentiality.
Thursday, 9 August 2007
The Homeless Program
Today, we met James at Emmaus at 7:30am. This is our third attempt this week to take him to The Homeless Program office (pictured right). The first time, he showed up having lost all of his paperwork and ID that Brian and I (Lail) had helped him get only 2 days earlier. The second time, he didn't show up until 8:15am and we had already left around 8am thinking he wasn't going to come. And this third time, he came with all of his paperwork with him.
We had a flier from the Homeless Program explaining that they work on a first-come-first-serve basis so it is imperative to arrive early if we expect to be seen. The office doesn't open until 9am and we were outside waiting in line at about 7:45am. There were already 14-15 people ahead of us. Thank God, we were able to get in for James to meet with a counselor for an initial interview (this was to help determine what services were available for him) as well as apply for a Gold Card, which would provide James with free health care and medication.
I just shook my head and apologized silently to the counselor. I actually felt really bad for him because he was doing his best to be supportive and helpful. We soon got on the subject of emergency housing for AIDS patients. The counselor called a woman at an organization who then wanted to speak to James. The counselor handed James the phone. As they were talking, the counselor showed me a flier describing the organization. I read it and thought it sounded wonderful. It was a small facility that specialized in helping AIDS patients with a holistic approach. However, within a few minutes, James was yelling at the woman and finally through the phone across the desk and said, "Stupid bitch. No way am I going there. The hell with this." After he calmed down he explained that she wanted him to stop doing drugs. Guests at that facility are expected to be clean. To him this was absurd. He claimed, "I have to self medicate! It's the only way I can not feel pain."
We had a flier from the Homeless Program explaining that they work on a first-come-first-serve basis so it is imperative to arrive early if we expect to be seen. The office doesn't open until 9am and we were outside waiting in line at about 7:45am. There were already 14-15 people ahead of us. Thank God, we were able to get in for James to meet with a counselor for an initial interview (this was to help determine what services were available for him) as well as apply for a Gold Card, which would provide James with free health care and medication.
Roger talked to the security guard there and explained that James often gets volatile and angry, and requested that he allow us to accompany James throughout the process. The security guard and the counselor allowed for only one of us to be with James during his interview. Roger suggested that I do it because I have a good rapport with him.
The counselor asked James some standard questions about his life. He then moved on to the health part of the interview, asking if he had any health problems. James replied harshly, "I'm dying," he stared at him as if he should have known that. The counselor, who was not expecting that type of response, said, "Oh, OK. From what?" James, getting more and more agitated said, "Everything." The counselor didn't say anything, so James continued, "I have Hepatitis, Syphilis, and I'm HIV positive" he counted on his fingers, "I have no strength, I'm tired all the time, I'm homeless so I don't get much sleep and can't eat right, I'm loosing 5 lbs. a week, I'm in excruciating pain all the time. Does that answer your question?"
I just shook my head and apologized silently to the counselor. I actually felt really bad for him because he was doing his best to be supportive and helpful. We soon got on the subject of emergency housing for AIDS patients. The counselor called a woman at an organization who then wanted to speak to James. The counselor handed James the phone. As they were talking, the counselor showed me a flier describing the organization. I read it and thought it sounded wonderful. It was a small facility that specialized in helping AIDS patients with a holistic approach. However, within a few minutes, James was yelling at the woman and finally through the phone across the desk and said, "Stupid bitch. No way am I going there. The hell with this." After he calmed down he explained that she wanted him to stop doing drugs. Guests at that facility are expected to be clean. To him this was absurd. He claimed, "I have to self medicate! It's the only way I can not feel pain."
At the end of our time at the Homeless Program we left with the following:
- A $15 waiver, to pay for his birth certificate and ID.
- A referral to the AIDS Foundation Houston
- 5 different referrals to emergency housing for AIDS patients
- And a Gold Card (considering the way the social system works here, this was huge to get done in just one morning!)
I have to think of Christ. How patient is He when I refuse His help and assume I know better? How often do I demand that God does things my way? Is it fair of me to really be that frustrated with James, when I do the exact same things to God and He shows me patience, grace, and mercy in abundance?
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Catch Up
The beginning of last week I (Roger) while on outreach with Nathaniel saw one of the men we know get arrested. He was really drunk and high. We were in mid conversation with him when all of the sudden he walked out into the road in front of a police car just to wind up the officer!! It really took us back.
At the end of the week (Friday), Nathaniel went away on a marriage retreat with his wife, which left us interns in charge again. That night Brain and Lail went on street out reach. Then on Saturday it was mine and Brian's turn to walk the streets. We ran into the guy who I saw get arrested at the beginning of the week. It turns out he was released the next day after he had sobered up a bit. Which is good in one sense as his girlfriend (who we met that night also) is 6-8 months pregnant and homeless so she would have really struggled without him.
We all also ran the house of hospitality on Saturday during the day. The good news is that two new guy's turned up. We had a good time chatting with them, getting to know their needs spiritually and practically.
This week, because it is our last, seems to be quite packed. We have been trying to get James the right help now that is homeless and found out 3 weeks previous that he is HIV positive, but everything takes such a long time. We have two more books to read excerpts from and discuss with Nathaniel and Brain, an essay to write, Nathaniel and Lail have the Emmaus news letter to get out, and we all have a meal at the end of the week to meet the Emmaus Board of Directors in Houston. That's not including the normal house of hospitality three days this week and, street outreach.
When we get on top of things we hope to give you some reflections about our time with Emmaus.
At the end of the week (Friday), Nathaniel went away on a marriage retreat with his wife, which left us interns in charge again. That night Brain and Lail went on street out reach. Then on Saturday it was mine and Brian's turn to walk the streets. We ran into the guy who I saw get arrested at the beginning of the week. It turns out he was released the next day after he had sobered up a bit. Which is good in one sense as his girlfriend (who we met that night also) is 6-8 months pregnant and homeless so she would have really struggled without him.
We all also ran the house of hospitality on Saturday during the day. The good news is that two new guy's turned up. We had a good time chatting with them, getting to know their needs spiritually and practically.
This week, because it is our last, seems to be quite packed. We have been trying to get James the right help now that is homeless and found out 3 weeks previous that he is HIV positive, but everything takes such a long time. We have two more books to read excerpts from and discuss with Nathaniel and Brain, an essay to write, Nathaniel and Lail have the Emmaus news letter to get out, and we all have a meal at the end of the week to meet the Emmaus Board of Directors in Houston. That's not including the normal house of hospitality three days this week and, street outreach.
When we get on top of things we hope to give you some reflections about our time with Emmaus.
Friday, 3 August 2007
Emmaus Promo Video
Here is an Emmaus promo video. It has been made by Emmaus Chicago, so the streets and the center are different to the Houston center. However it will give you a good idea of what we do and the struggles the men through.
The Social System
Today, I got a very rude awakening to what it's like for someone to go through the social system. Brian and I went to pick up one of our guests, let's call him James, from Thomas Street Health Center, which is a health clinic specifically for patients with HIV and AIDS. It's supposedly one of the leading AIDS Hospitals in the country. One of the first doctors who discovered that HIV develops into AIDS currently works there.
We picked up James and spent the day with him basically to help him run errands. The plan was to first go to the social security office to get an ID, then to Ben Tuab Hospital to apply for a gold card, which is a card that lower-income people can apply for in order to get free medications, and then finally to one other office that provides free emergency housing to patients with AIDS. I'd love to say that we accomplished everything we set out to do, however I quickly realized that we would be lucky to even finish one thing on our list.
We started at the social security office to get an ID. We walked in to see one giant waiting room filled to the capacity. We got our number and managed to find seats. I looked around the room of people who were elderly or poor; everyone looked annoyed, frustrated, tired, and basically fed up. I turned to James and said, "This is depressing." He laughed and said, "Thanks." I quickly apologized realizing that I was probably not being very positive. He said, "No, don't apologize. Thank you for noticing how depressing this can be. This is bad enough if you're healthy and things in your life are alright. But think how this is for someone like me, who has nothing going for him."
As we continued to wait for our number to be called, we heard a woman getting very agitated. She was a deaf woman who was trying to communicate with the security guard, who didn't know any sign language. She was signing to him and making some noises, but none that were discernible words. She was getting more and more frustrated. The security guard finally went to get an employee that signed. I don't know much sign language, only the alphabet, but from what I could see the employee just kept telling her to leave. I watched his mouth, and he was, he was telling her, "Just get out. Just leave." She finally just broke down and cried. The security guard and the employee physically removed her from the building as she yelled, cried, and continued to sign to them. Everyone in the room just watched this awful scene. I looked around the room and saw the most horrified expressions on people's faces.
James, Brian, and I chatted for the next hour. During that time I asked him if he had any ID at all. He pulled out one piece of paper from his pocket. It was from a local prison stating that he was a registered sex offender. That was his only form of ID. After about an hour of waiting, we got the appropriate paperwork for James: a print out of his social security number, and a form saying he was homeless and had no income.
I won't get into the rest of the details of the day, which basically involved a series of waiting rooms, being turned away, or being sent somewhere else. The day concluded in James being told that the best thing he could do for himself would be to go to what is called The Homeless Program. I told James I would meet him at 7:30am Monday morning to go to this office and see how they can help him. He said that he can't guarantee that he will show up and left it at that.
We picked up James and spent the day with him basically to help him run errands. The plan was to first go to the social security office to get an ID, then to Ben Tuab Hospital to apply for a gold card, which is a card that lower-income people can apply for in order to get free medications, and then finally to one other office that provides free emergency housing to patients with AIDS. I'd love to say that we accomplished everything we set out to do, however I quickly realized that we would be lucky to even finish one thing on our list.
We started at the social security office to get an ID. We walked in to see one giant waiting room filled to the capacity. We got our number and managed to find seats. I looked around the room of people who were elderly or poor; everyone looked annoyed, frustrated, tired, and basically fed up. I turned to James and said, "This is depressing." He laughed and said, "Thanks." I quickly apologized realizing that I was probably not being very positive. He said, "No, don't apologize. Thank you for noticing how depressing this can be. This is bad enough if you're healthy and things in your life are alright. But think how this is for someone like me, who has nothing going for him."
As we continued to wait for our number to be called, we heard a woman getting very agitated. She was a deaf woman who was trying to communicate with the security guard, who didn't know any sign language. She was signing to him and making some noises, but none that were discernible words. She was getting more and more frustrated. The security guard finally went to get an employee that signed. I don't know much sign language, only the alphabet, but from what I could see the employee just kept telling her to leave. I watched his mouth, and he was, he was telling her, "Just get out. Just leave." She finally just broke down and cried. The security guard and the employee physically removed her from the building as she yelled, cried, and continued to sign to them. Everyone in the room just watched this awful scene. I looked around the room and saw the most horrified expressions on people's faces.
James, Brian, and I chatted for the next hour. During that time I asked him if he had any ID at all. He pulled out one piece of paper from his pocket. It was from a local prison stating that he was a registered sex offender. That was his only form of ID. After about an hour of waiting, we got the appropriate paperwork for James: a print out of his social security number, and a form saying he was homeless and had no income.
I won't get into the rest of the details of the day, which basically involved a series of waiting rooms, being turned away, or being sent somewhere else. The day concluded in James being told that the best thing he could do for himself would be to go to what is called The Homeless Program. I told James I would meet him at 7:30am Monday morning to go to this office and see how they can help him. He said that he can't guarantee that he will show up and left it at that.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Beyond Gay
We've been reading some chapter from a book,Beyond Gay by David Morrison. Below is an excerpt from that book, that took us slightly by surprise. The media, and the gay community, paint a very rosy picture about their lifestyle and community, but the reality is in fact very different:
"Suppose you were to move into a large house in San Francisco with a group of ten randomly selected homosexual men in their mid-thirties. According to the most recent research from scientific sources, whose authors are without exception either neutral or positive in their assessment of homosexual behavior, and with the use of lower numbers where the statistics differ, the relational and physical health of the group would look like this.
"Four of the ten men are currently in relationships, but only one of those is faithful to his partner and he will not be within a year. Four have never had a relationship that lasted more than a year and only one has had a relationship that lasted more than three years. Six are having sex regularly with strangers, and the group averages almost two partners per person per month. Three of them occasionally take part in orgies. One is a sadomasochist. One prefers boys to men.
"Three of the men are currently alcoholics, five have a history of alcohol abuse and four have a history of drug abuse. Three currently smoke cigarettes; five regularly use at least one illegal drug and three are multiple drug users. Four have a history of acute depression, three have seriously contemplated suicide and two have attempted suicide. Eight have a history of sexually transmitted diseases, eight currently carry infectious pathogens and three currently suffer from digestive or urinary ailments caused by these pathogens."
Our previous post below includes our discussion about this book, as well as some further research that we have done on bug parties.
Bug Parties
Just a warning, this is definitely not for the faint of heart. This post is going to be pretty disturbing and even shocking.
Last night, we met up with Nathaniel and Brian for prayer and dinner. Over dinner we discussed our reading for the week, Beyond Gay by David Morrison. In the first chapter, Morrison explains the concept of, what he calls, the "sex-at-any-cost" movement. This is the acceptance among the gay community that they most likely will not live to see 40 years of age. Therefore, rather than living a life without sex, they freely choose to participate in unsafe sex and risk contracting HIV.
The four of us discussed this for quite a while. We thought about why someone would make this type of choice. Although we may not have come to any conclusions, we did have some thoughts on the issue: The gay community is foundationally based on sex; the culture itself is sex. The world tell us that sex equals love and a life without love is not worth living. Essentially, the reason people have this tainted view of love, is because they don't know love in the true sense, which is God's love.
God's love is seen in terms of "giving." We can see this in John 3:16-17, which says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." Whereas, the type of love predominantly found within the gay community, is not about giving, but is instead based on taking. Sex is all about, "What can I get out of this?" and not, "How can I give to this other person?"
The discussion led to Nathaniel asking all of us if we had ever heard of bug parties. None of us had so we looked it up when we got home. The following information is taken from the website,http://www.gaylife.about.com/:
What are bug parties?
Bug parties are sex parties often ranging from a few to as many as 30 people. Unsafe sex with every participant at the party is encouraged. There are several variations of bug parties. At some, there is one member of the "orgy" that is HIV positive. Only this individual and the host know his positive status. The remaining participants know that there is an infected person in the room, but do not know his identity. The participants then partake in a night usually filled with alcohol, drugs and of course unsafe sex.
In other variations of a bug party, there is one person who is not infected with HIV, however the other participants are or may be. Every one is aware of the person who is disease free. The HIV negative person then allows the infected guys to have unprotected anal sex with him.
What is a "bug chaser?"
A bug chaser is a gay man who deliberately attempts to contract HIV by having unprotected sex with a man or group of men who are known to have the virus.
What is a "gift giver?"
A gift giver is an HIV positive gay man who deliberately transmits the virus, often times to bug chasers, or those willing to contract it.
Why do people participate in bug parties?
Many psychologists theorize that participation in bug parties is actually an anxiety disorder where the non-infected individuals fear getting HIV so greatly that they would rather contract it and free themselves of the anxiety of living in fear. These parties are also seen as a sort of club for those living with HIV. Infecting a HIV negative and willing participant initiates them into their world. Some people also engage in unprotected anal sex (or barebacking) as the fear for AIDS dangerously dwindles.
Last night, we met up with Nathaniel and Brian for prayer and dinner. Over dinner we discussed our reading for the week, Beyond Gay by David Morrison. In the first chapter, Morrison explains the concept of, what he calls, the "sex-at-any-cost" movement. This is the acceptance among the gay community that they most likely will not live to see 40 years of age. Therefore, rather than living a life without sex, they freely choose to participate in unsafe sex and risk contracting HIV.
The four of us discussed this for quite a while. We thought about why someone would make this type of choice. Although we may not have come to any conclusions, we did have some thoughts on the issue: The gay community is foundationally based on sex; the culture itself is sex. The world tell us that sex equals love and a life without love is not worth living. Essentially, the reason people have this tainted view of love, is because they don't know love in the true sense, which is God's love.
God's love is seen in terms of "giving." We can see this in John 3:16-17, which says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." Whereas, the type of love predominantly found within the gay community, is not about giving, but is instead based on taking. Sex is all about, "What can I get out of this?" and not, "How can I give to this other person?"
The discussion led to Nathaniel asking all of us if we had ever heard of bug parties. None of us had so we looked it up when we got home. The following information is taken from the website,http://www.gaylife.about.com/:
What are bug parties?
Bug parties are sex parties often ranging from a few to as many as 30 people. Unsafe sex with every participant at the party is encouraged. There are several variations of bug parties. At some, there is one member of the "orgy" that is HIV positive. Only this individual and the host know his positive status. The remaining participants know that there is an infected person in the room, but do not know his identity. The participants then partake in a night usually filled with alcohol, drugs and of course unsafe sex.In other variations of a bug party, there is one person who is not infected with HIV, however the other participants are or may be. Every one is aware of the person who is disease free. The HIV negative person then allows the infected guys to have unprotected anal sex with him.
What is a "bug chaser?"
A bug chaser is a gay man who deliberately attempts to contract HIV by having unprotected sex with a man or group of men who are known to have the virus.
What is a "gift giver?"
A gift giver is an HIV positive gay man who deliberately transmits the virus, often times to bug chasers, or those willing to contract it.
Why do people participate in bug parties?
Many psychologists theorize that participation in bug parties is actually an anxiety disorder where the non-infected individuals fear getting HIV so greatly that they would rather contract it and free themselves of the anxiety of living in fear. These parties are also seen as a sort of club for those living with HIV. Infecting a HIV negative and willing participant initiates them into their world. Some people also engage in unprotected anal sex (or barebacking) as the fear for AIDS dangerously dwindles.
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